My First Buddhist Retreat – Day 2: 7-24-10

Saturday

I’m starting to feel like the woman from Eat Pray Love. My inner dialogue is driving me CRAZY!

Just had dish duty. Yuk! I hate washing dishes. At least it was only breakfast. My new friend Wendi, has been helping me a lot. She used to watch Nik in the toddler room at church.

Got through a couple more hours of meditation. Anam is a funny guy.

Some thoughts have come up… If life & death are concepts — then what is the truth? (Reality?)

I don’t like to eat & be silent. Eating is for Community!

I’d like to know what the deal is with the prayer wheel.
– Can anyone spin it?
-What’s it for?

Boy it is hot in this sitting area…but cooler than outside.

Oh I don’t know how I’m gonna do this walking meditation at 2pm. I don’t know if it’s on the trails or what. I need an arm to do that.

How does Beth do it? She looks so happy. Beth is my other new friend who suddenly became paralyzed from the waist down. She’s in a wheelchair & she doesn’t let it stop her. I must keep in touch with her afterwards.

I wish I brought my camera. I guess it’s just as well. Keep me off my electronics.

OK walking meditation OVER. That was tricky — especially with all the obstacles on the floor. We went outside. I walked by the garden — just beautiful — recognized lots of plants & flowers, too. They arrange it all so nicely. I made a beeline right to the shade trees. I wonder if the bark was supposed to do that peeling? At least the walk was only 45 minutes. I wish it wasn’t so hot outside. Nice & cool in here in the meditation room. I could use a nap. I wonder when my brain will stop the crazy rambling?!

Oh my goodness — I fell asleep during this afternoon’s teaching/meditation! I then rested afterwards and almost missed the next session!

I got someone in my room now. Don’t know who they are but they took the box of tissues as her own! Grrr…

I guess I’ll see Anam. I can’t imagine what to say.

What a delicious dinner! Pesto & gazpacho! Yum! Kudos to Savory Thyme! Of course, I couldn’t help but think that lunch’s salsa became tonight’s soup! (Thanks, Micah!)

Looks like I’ll be meeting Anam tonight. What am I gonna say? I need guidance to see myself through this illness? I know I’m seeking guidnace — I’m not sure how to ask. Maybe they told him I’m dying. How to proceed…

Oh yeah — and I saw my awareness tonight during Anam’s guided meditation!

Well — I saw him… and … I CRIED. I could barely get it out… & I’m all runny nose, tears coming down — uh what a mess! Smart guy. He told me to turn that DESIRE to live to INTENTION to awareness & enlightenment. He says it’s there — it’s always there. Just need to accept it. Dive in. The body is just a guesthouse. Well, glad that’s over.

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